Improve it!
Hi Yellow Class.
I need your help!
I have some extremely boring, dull and short sentences here…
- The worm went.
- The man got the drink.
- The dog came along the road.
- The woman ate the stuff.
- The man looked at the stuff in the shop.
- The moon shone
- The cat went along the wall.
- Miss Essor yawned.
- Mr Morgan went for a walk.
What you need to do is make them more detailed or interesting or powerful!
Some year 2 targets to think about:
- Using conjunctions (if, so, but, because, or, so)
- Using interesting adjectives and adverbs (ly words)
- Using different punctuation? ! and commas for lists
- Using expanded noun phrases e.g. lots of yummy, cold ice cream
Mr Morgan and I have been so impressed with the quality of writing in the leaflets we have seen so far!
Just remember to try and do your best beautiful handwriting even at home!
Merits on offer 🙂
Have a lovely Tuesday.
Miss Essor 🙂
14 Comments
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Mr Morgan says:
That genuinely sounds terrifying. I’ve had enough bad luck this year Aaron, and now I’ll need to visit the hospital again!
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the worm went
Use a capital letter, describe the worm and finish the sentence! From Mr Morgan
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the worm went giggly because he was staving
the man had a drink because he was so hoot and thirsty
the dog came along the road but he can’t stop
the woman ate stuff but she couldn’t stop eating
the man looked at the stuff in the shop and he just remember that he forgot to work in his shop
the moon shone brightly as it was like a diamond
the cat went along the wall and bumped to a dog
miss essor yawn and the student yawn to haha
mr morgan went to a walk and suddenly tripped on a branch-
Miss Essor says:
Good try Kianosh but you have forgotten tour capital letters and full stops to end your sentences!
Read over them and check they make sense.
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Safiyyah says:
1) The worm went into the yucky mud.
2) The man got the drink because he was feeling thirsty.
3) The dog came running along the road.
4) The woman ate all the stuff on the dining table because she was very hungry.
5) The man looked at the stuff in the shop so he could choose something to buy.
6) The moon shone brightly and lit up the sky.
7) The cat went along the wall in the kitchen and into the splashy paddling pool in the garden.
8) Miss Essor yawned because she was very tired.
9) Mr Morgan went for a walk in the park on a sunny day.-
Good try Safiyyah, I’m sure you could improve these further and add more information to the sentences!
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Melina Ada says:
Hi Mr Morgan,
The worm went to it’s burrow but it took ages for him to come.
The man got the drink because he was thirsty.
The dog came along the road but when he got on the pavement, He bumped into a bone.?
The woman ate the stuff and got sick.???
The man looked at the stuff in the shop and forgot that he had to go to work.??
The moon shone so brightly that nobody could go home.??
The cat went along the wall but bumped into it instead.?
Miss Essor yawned because she was sleepy.?
Mr Morgan went for a walk but it was so muddy, He got himself all muddy.-
Good try Melina, lovely to see you commenting.
Could you add more information to some of your sentences?
The woman are the stuff and got sick.
You could tell me more about the woman, the stuff she ate or how sick she got!
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I really enjoyed Melina’s use of emojis too!
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Dila says:
1. The worm went into the wet soil but it took very long to go in.
2. The man got the cold drink because it was a very hot day.
3. The dog ran along the road but stopped when it saw a little girl.
4. The woman ate the stuff because she was very hungry.
5. The man looked at the stuff in the shop but suddenly remembered he was late to work.
6. The moon shone very brightly and deeply in the sky.
7. The cat went along the wall slowly to catch the mouse.
8. Miss Essor yawned because she was tired.
9. Mr Morgan went for a walk on a hot summer day but ended up getting chased by a dog.-
Dila I’m really impressed you’ve made so many nice sentences there. Well done for coming up with good ideas. Remember the help you get at home and try to write and spell like this when you are in school!
You could use more adjectives before the nouns. The wriggly worm. The tired man. The crazy dog.
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The worm went in to the soft soil, but it took him a very long time.
The man got the drink, because he was very thirsty.
The dog came along the road, but stoped when it saw me.
The woman ate the stuff , but do you know what happened with her stomach?
The man looked at the stuff in the shop, and suddenly remembered he forgot his shoping list.
The moon shone so brightly, acidentally I tought it was the sun.
The cat went along the wall and eventually jumped off to cath the mouse.
Miss Essor yawned so loudly, the class went very quietly.
Mr Morgan went for a walk in the forest, but tripped over the branch, running away from the bear!
???